Was There a Crazymaker in Your Childhood?
As a survivor of chronic childhood trauma you grew up justifying the behavior of the crazymakers in your home — to yourself — in order to cope mentally and emotionally. That ongoing survival technique created cognitive dissonance. That occurs when you love, hate and/or depend upon your crazymaker. You HAD to do that to function in your own little crazy corner of the world. But now—you must stop that immediately! It’s time to signal your inner child that you are going to protect them from here on out.
Our adult lives have, at times, been chaotic thanks to the highly-charged, seemingly emotional, trigger responses, which are our legacy from our original crazymakers. As adults we must develop new techniques for coping and protecting our heart and mind.
As adults, we can set personal boundaries to protect ourselves from the inappropriate behavior of others. If you find yourself making excuses for someone’s consistently inappropriate, hurtful or offensive behavior, that is your first clue that you are being excessively tolerant.
Implementing self-boundary protocols is a strong tool for creating consistency in our behavior, which will spill over into consistency in all our relationships. Along with setting boundaries for how we will let others treat us, setting self-boundaries is huge in gaining the respect of those who are most important in our life, including and especially, ourselves.
Following is the first half of the personal boundaries I list in WORTHY A Personal Guide for Healing Your Childhood Trauma, Chapter 9 Healthy Relationships — To Dream the (Not) Impossible Dream.
- I will be honest with everyone, including myself. I will make every effort to be kind in how I express my truth, but I will not water it down.
- I will immediately remove myself from any conversation or situation that does not honor me.
- I will not associate with people who treat me or speak to me in a way that makes me feel diminished.
- I will not allow myself to be abused in any manner. I especially will not pretend that the abuse is not occurring.
- I will not talk badly about myself to others, nor to myself.
- If I feel anger I will not try and suppress it. I will express it in as calm a manner as I can, with the intent of being understood not, necessarily, to be right.
In the companion workbook of the same title, Chapter 3 Healthy Relationships contains 20 pages to help you craft personal boundaries for every facet of your life. I promise, it will serve as the foundation of your peace of mind.
Love & Light to You,
Josephine
Available at Amazon > Worthy: A Personal Guide for Healing Your Childhood Trauma
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This blog is stunning, brilliant, beautiful, inspiring… and SO helpful – like your amazing book! Thank you, Joie, for this incredible healing wisdom and divine gift you share. I used to think it was just me who grew up around crazymakers… but as I look at the world, observe people’s general behaviors and overhear the conversations of perfect strangers, I’m wondering if there is anyone who grew up void of crazymakers. If so, I’d like to meet them. Otherwise I’ve concluded that the majority of people on this planet need this book! Many of us like me grew up thinking we had “good” childhoods because we had “good” families and “good” parents who fed us, housed us, clothed us and schooled us. But beneath the pretty exterior lies toxic unconscious behaviors, unlabeled mental disturbances, traumatic incidents falsely mislabeled as “that’s life” so we presume chaos is normal, plus the inability to bestow true emotional nurturing to a child because they lack self-love & never knew genuine emotional nurturing. I am watching people bypass truth and healing by medicating with recreational drugs, hiding behind toxic antidepressants and other dangerous pharmaceuticals, escaping via constant food, TV, alcohol, workaholism, movies, music, books, shopping and other addictions or obessive hobbies, activism and pastimes enabling us to avoid doing the inner work on our minds, hearts and souls. I am signed on to Joie’s path to healing in utter gratitude that she has paved a smoother road for all of us. Everyone needs to read this book and blog. We all want a better world. Change begins with me learning how to adjust my own sails and my own dinghy instead of trying to change the wind or the sails of other big ships. Joie shows us the way — thank you!!
Hello Catherine,
Thank you so much for all your kind words. The work I do is definitely only possible because I have walked (sometimes ran, sometimes crawled) my own recovery path from chronic childhood trauma. As the layers of emotional and psychological wounding have dissolved I have learned to unconditionally love and accept my True Self.
More than anything else, we learn in recovery that love is an inside job. Crafting a caring, encouraging and loving relationship with one’s Self is the foundation to all other aspects of our healing.
I am delighted that you are finding such comfort and inspiration in WORTHY A Personal Guide for Healing Your Childhood Trauma. It sounds like you are well on your way to realizing that you have been unquestionably Worthy all along. Love and Light to You.