Childhood Trauma Survivors Ask, “Why Me?”
Millions of childhood trauma survivors are asking the same question, “Why me?” This one question alone can drive you mad or make you so bitter that any joy is obliterated by the long shadow it casts. I contemplated this question for decades, always with the same disappointing conclusions. Life is cruel. God doesn’t care. How can I believe in a God that wants to hurt me to teach me? This must be all I deserve. In 2011, the year I began trauma recovery, my mind began to percolate on that rotten question again. But, this time, my mind had a few new ideas. Put aside your own beliefs, just for a moment, and imagine if the following were true. I’m not saying it is or it isn’t, just imagine . . .
What if, before we entered this life we had a choice of which qualities we wanted to cultivate in our lifetime? What if we consciously chose to expand our True Self in love, compassion, empathy, courage, wisdom, faith, perseverance or forgiveness? Maybe, we had the freedom to choose which qualities we wished to enlarge, but not how they would be developed. Because, if we knew what we would endure to gain those noble qualities would we even want to engage with life and living? We would have been terrified, most likely.
Following this line of thinking, I wondered if every traumatic incident that occurred in my life, had sown a seed of some noble quality in the recesses of my soul. Those seeds, in adulthood, would offer me the opportunity to choose my Higher Self. But, in order to choose, I would have to be willing to unwrap each incident, examine it for its messages, its eternal lessons, its wisdom and, its power to heal and lift my heart, mind and spirit.
Suddenly, I knew it didn’t matter who or how my parents had been. I received the parents, upbringing and experiences I required to attain the qualities I came here to develop. It didn’t matter which specific person had violated me, abandoned me, broken my heart into a million pieces. They had all served a greater purpose in my life. They had unwittingly provided a way for me to, eventually, acknowledge and embrace my higher self, my True Self. My journey on this rugged path to self-realization has been one of gathering all the glittering shards of myself into one, beautifully flawed, but relentlessly hopeful human soul.
Listen—WE ARE GIANTS. We are magnificent survivors. We are strong, capable and courageous. We deserve every marvelous thing life has to offer. We are dauntless in our determination to keep moving forward in the search for our soul’s liberation. No one can persevere like those who have overcome chronic childhood trauma. After recovery, like every other person on the planet, we are going to have challenges. And that is exactly what we want—more opportunities for growth and recovery! We can do this. The worst is over. The rest of life is whatever we make of it.
There comes a point in our long road of recovery where we feel we are done fixing. All that happened to us as children is a part of who we are. But it no longer holds sway over our mind and emotions. It is then that we cease fixing and begin to understand our power to create the life we wish for ourselves. Of course, we are afraid, no longer numb, our consciousness is now permeated with clarity. We experience a rawness that we have not encountered since childhood. It’s ok to feel fear. What you must understand is that fear is irrelevant now. It can hang around if it wants, but it doesn’t get a say into how you run your life from here on out. The more you push past your fear, the weaker its voice and pull becomes. Determine to do something that scares you a little bit today. Make it a practice. You will be tending your courage and confidence, growing it from a tiny seed. Today—start today.
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