EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUE
Emotional Freedom Technique provides anyone, anywhere access to relief from emotional distress within a matter of minutes. EFT has wide-spread professional acceptance as an evidence-based technique to treat phobias, anxiety, PTSD, depression and many more symptoms. EFT shares some key similarities with acupuncture and, hence, acupressure.
RECOVERY–FEELINGS LIST
Focus on identifying what emotions you are feeling around a particular event or thought that has upset you. I know your heart just skipped a beat at, ‘identify your emotions.’ This is groundbreaking territory, but you’re going to be okay. This step is the key to mastering communication from you to other humans. It has a lot to do with why I chose to volunteer at the Oregon Humane Society rather than Habitat for Humanity. Still, we need to learn this if we are going to ever know true emotional intimacy, including with ourselves.
For most of my life I identified my emotions within the confines of happy, sad, scared, mad and, sometimes, excited. When the kids came along I expanded my emotional repertoire with worried, frustrated and exhausted. So much for owning a thesaurus. I did not explore my short list of emotions any deeper, even when I was suicidal. At those times I was just really sad. In retrospect I understand I was really terrified; some past trauma was seeping out and I was experiencing the effects of a toxic spill. The more I did to evade my feelings the more toxic the effects. Sound familiar? Following is a list I created using only the main headings of: Mad, Happy, Sad and Scared. The list is not exhaustive; add any others that you discover apply to you. There is also a tear-out list of these in the Appendix. When you need to do EFT (the Emotional Freedom Technique with the tapping), it is extremely helpful to have these close at hand. I put them in ‘Notes’ on my phone too. Thinking you will have the presence of mind to Google it when highly triggered is wishful thinking. Be prepared.
feelings.table_.2It’s human nature to only refer to the Feelings List when experiencing negative emotions. Yet it is equally important to explore our positive emotions. More intimately and accurately sharing the wondrous feelings we experience with loved ones deepens our relationships in uplifting ways and strengthens our positive support system. If we are going to live in Technicolor, we must explore the full spectrum of possible emotions. Happy is good, but wouldn’t you like to take outrageous joy for a ride? Romantic love is divine; but even more astonishing with—passion, ecstasy, elation, thrill and fervor added to the mix. Get out your brightest crayons, this is only the beginning!
TRUE NORTH VALUES LIST
A blueprint for life planning: Use your True North Values to make decisions that will craft a life with greater joy and satisfaction. What sort of work would best encompass your values? If your values are Freedom, Creativity and Exploration you’re going to choose a very different job than a person with the values of Security, Reliability and Success. Where is the most likely place for you to meet a future spouse who shares your top three or four values? Where would you look for him or her if your values were Community, Compassion and Contribution versus Adventure, Joy and Openness? Where will you live to best fulfill your core needs and desires? Values such as Family Connection versus Independence would definitely influence your choice one way or the other.
Status quo and self-discovery are rarely bedmates. This may feel risky, but I want you to carefully consider each value you choose in the following ways:
- Am I choosing this value because I think I should? Who or what is influencing me to feel like I should?
- Am I choosing this value because I have something to prove? Prove to whom and why?
- Does choosing this value give me a feeling of heaviness and obligation or a feeling of lightness, excitement and anticipation? P.S. You want the last three feelings.
- Do I want to choose this value at a heart level or am I choosing it to fulfill a family or cultural expectation?
- Am I choosing this value to fulfill a role that has been placed upon me by association with some organization or by myself?
It’s fine if you want to reinvent yourself. If you want to choose your values according to that, then go for it. This is your life—you get to decide.
Following is an extensive list of values. Initially, choose all that resonate with you. Remember to evaluate each value you choose from the perspective of whether it gives you a weighed down feeling or a feeling of lightness, delight and excitement. For each value you choose that gives you a weighed down feeling you are going to need to ruthlessly consider whether you chose that because you thought you ‘should’ because of your culture, your ego or others’ expectations. Refer to the questions under Status quo and self-discovery are rarely bedmates. Finding your True North requires that you be authentic with yourself most of all.
Once you have your list, group similar values together. For example: I had chosen Making a Difference, Compassion and Contribution. I determined that since my nature is to contribute in an altruistic way Compassion best defined my intention. Another combination was Adventure, Curiosity and Exploration. Since my curiosity leads me on exploratory adventures I chose Exploration which I felt could define all kinds of forays into new ideas and experiences. Lastly, whittle down your list to your top ten values. If you’ve been honest with yourself these values will point you to your True North, the core of who you are, your deepest desires and a life worth getting up for every single day.
Access more information on this process in WORTHY A Personal Guide for Healing Your Childhood Trauma
TrueNorthValuesTable
